The Myth & The Majesty

(to borrow a phrase from the inimitable Jim Carlson) I rolled into town on a Saturday in February of 2007. I promptly got lost. It wasn't that the directions I had were hard to follow -- it was simply that I got to Wausau and then looked for my exit. It took some time before I realized that I had passed it on my way in. I had spent the previous night in Minneapolis, and for the first few days I was homeless. Next, I occupied a nearly-empty apartment for a bit before my parents followed with my stuff. It seems only fitting that I hit rewind. My parents turned up a week ago to load almost everything into a truck. I then occupied a nearly-empty apartment until yesterday, then camped at Emma Jean's for my last night in town. Tonight, I'm hanging out in Minneapolis with the Admiral, E-Train, and Mrs. Bergie before landing in Sioux Falls for the foreseeable future. The parallels are a little weird. After a long night of packing and cleaning, my hands covered in scrat...

I've mentioned the place before, but as I'm throwing myself a mini-going-away-party tonight at this particular establishment, I thought I'd give the real rundown. Red Eye Brewing Company opened in early 2008, at the time the third brewery in the city of Wausau. (The second had only been open for a few months, and the first actually went out of business that December and has since been replaced.) It was different in that it didn't have the "standard" brewpub food -- no burgers, no fryer. The announced specialty was wood-fired pizzas with ingredient lists most people weren't used to seeing. They had more vegetarian options than most restaurants in town and top-notch brew. In two years, things have only improved. The restaurant prides itself on sustainability. The food comes from local sources whenever possible (and several of the herbs are actually grown on the property). Heat for the brewing process actually comes chiefly from solar panels mounted on...

The worst part about moving -- or at least my least favorite part -- is this last bit. All of the big stuff has been moved, all of the easily-boxed things are long gone, and I'm left with the dregs of the last two and a half years. I'm at the "toss it or pack it randomly" phase, and it's slow going. I try to go room-to-room but lack the attention span; I try to sort things into boxes according to whether I'll want it when I get home or not but I only end up with two half-filled boxes. And holy buckets, when did I get all this clothing? On the other hand, I've rediscovered all sorts of things I thought were lost forever -- random left shoes, a handful of books I'd misplaced, a couple of DVDs. And I'm continually reminded of just how messy I am. Eesh. Oh well. Just a couple more solid hours and I'll be able to scrub the place down. Now, if only I could find some focus...

"When are you leaving?" "Sunday, actually." As many times as I've had that exchange in the last three days, it has yet to sink in. It's almost bizarre -- other people see the reality of it and react accordingly, but I can't seem to grasp it. This life I've led for the last three and a half years is coming to a hasty close. Soon, I'll be discovering a new routine, one without dance classes with Todd and Julia, without Red Eye, without this particular B&N. One in a house I'm sharing with other people (not my house at all, in fact), with a job where I'm a newbie (hopefully) and around people I haven't seen much of in the last eight years. The last one looks good. The others sadden and scare me a little. The catch with Wausau is that I was never supposed to get attached. I knew going in that it was likely to be a less-than-forever thing (although once I got into my job I changed my mind a bit) and for that reason I avoided b...

Today is likely the last day I wear my Chacos this year. Really, the last day should have been roughly Thursday, but today I didn't feel like wearing socks. Not exactly a sound reason -- but there you have it. It's acting all autumn-y out there. High wind, temperature in the low forties all day long, steady rain. The kind of rain that leaves you uncomfortably damp for the whole of a trip to Target if you have to park more than forty yards from the front door. The kind of rain that pelts your windshield and freezes on the bounce. The kind of rain that makes me wonder how gross the roads will be after nine tonight. We had frost on the ground on Friday morning ... and then the cloud cover and steady rain kept it above 45 until today. Tonight looks potentially nasty. And wouldn't you know -- there's the possibility of snow tomorrow. I can't move in perfect weather. The universe won't allow it.

When I was in college, I could fit everything I owned in my Jeep. By all means, it was because I lived in a dorm. I had virtually no furniture and had I had much more than that Jeep-full, it would have never fit into my 9x12 living space. (Particularly the years where I shared said space.) It was largely books and school files with a couple boxes of non-perishable foods. And a mini-fridge. From there, I moved to a house and provided a few random pieces of furniture. I was up to a Jeep full and a small trailer that carried a bunk bed, a couch, and a small dining room set. And then I moved to Wausau. I know. I know it makes a difference when you're out on your own, particularly since there's no one else providing furniture. I know it's completely different when you end up buying appliances. (I have a washer and dryer now.) But it's not the big things that have me annoyed today. Those only took up about a third of the space on that truck. It's also not the bo...

It has been a long weekend. One full day of packing boxes, followed by a day of loading a truck (and packing more boxes) ... then a day fighting with a cake (okay, not a full day) ... Two evenings at Red Eye, 18 solid hours of rain, and one twisted ankle later... I'm almost -- almost -- done with the unfortunate task of moving. I love this apartment. Love it. I'll miss it dearly. However, as long as I'm living alone I never want to live in a place quite this large again. I just simply have way too much stuff. Not nearly enough of it is/was useful, either. After a week of helter skelter, the weekend ended with a girls' night at Neub's house which may have been exactly what I needed to restore some equilibrium. I haven't felt this normal in about two weeks. It's about stinking time. And -- bonus -- the Packers won. (Or Favre lost, however you want to look at it.) Time to get some sleep. Big week ahead.

My dad appeared yesterday (bless his poor, tortured soul) to help me with a day of packing; he and my mother (bless both their poor, tortured souls) are going to be nice enough to haul a truckload of my junk back to SoDak for me on Sunday, leaving me with a week to scrub down every inch of this joint. Mom will be showing up sometime tomorrow (likely after we're done loading said truck), which means my dad and I have been going a hundred miles an hour all day, packing boxes and slowly working our way toward done. The place is in that unique kind of chaos that tells you you're somewhere between 25 and 75% done but it can't really be narrowed down any further than that. This is a far cry from when I moved here, at which point I had only a couple more pieces of furniture than what fit into my Jeep. After all, college was all about being able to stuff my entire life into one vehicle at the end of the year. Yeah ... Not so much anymore. Or rather, that vehicle is much large...

I really, truly hate packing. Ugh.

I am not a food blogger, therefore I usually don't like to blog about food. However. I roasted a pumpkin today while packing up my living room -- approximately the easiest thing to cook ever. Clean a pumpkin, put it in the oven for awhile. Makes the house smell amazing as well. Anyway, the pumpkin came first, and from that pumpkin butter, pumpkin stew, and a couple more cups of pumpkin that will likely end up baked somehow. Then I finally got around to making rye bread from a recipe I've been dying to try. Lots of time required as it rises four times -- but by the end, I knew it was going to be well worth the effort. And somewhere in there I took a nap. Dinner? Dinner was pumpkin stew, fresh bread, and a steak. The only times I've eaten so well this year were a couple of family gatherings and beef bourguignon night with the Admiral. It's a good feeling.

Twelve Things That Have Changed Since I Lost My Job 1. How many hours (and which hours exactly) I sleep. 2. How much time I spend at Barnes & Noble. (More.) 3. How much coffee I drink. ( Much more.) 4. How much alcohol I drink. (Considerably less.) 5. The regularity of my meals. (Less regular, more substantial.) 6. My vocabulary. (Expanding. Slowly.) 7. The frequency with which I blog. (Quality notwithstanding.) 8. My time spent outside. (Number one time to not miss a cubicle.) 9. The level of cleanliness of my apartment. (Better, then worse, and now getting better again.) 10. The frequency at which I bake. (Daily instead of weekly.) 11. My stress level. (A bit more unpredictable, but lower on a day-to-day basis.) 12. How much attention I pay to the news. (Not enough.) The blogging downside to this job thing is that I have very little of interest to say. I've talked about the weather and I mention the things I'm doing differently -- but they're not full-...

It's cooler outside today. Not significantly -- only a couple of degrees, maybe -- but the wind has come up and there's something in it, something with a hint of chill. More a suggestion of things to come than a change in itself. It is only a matter of time before that pile of leaves outside (the one that was briefly taller than me, till I jumped in it) is replaced by a pile of snow. Still a couple weeks off, perhaps, but today the weather has suddenly and abruptly decided to stop faking summer and accept its fate. Really, it's almost a relief. I'll be gone before first snowfall, most likely. What a strange thought -- winter back in SoDak, where the wind comes up and blows snow from one county to another, where there can be a six foot drift next to bare ground. Wisconsin snow is heavy, steady, and stays put, piling up until you're no longer shoving snow off to the side but lifting it several feet to clear a driveway. South Dakota snow is fine, dry stuff that w...

The excitement of my week thus far has been showing my apartment at four hours' notice. I was hit by a brief sting of panic, then looked around and thought, "Who am I kidding? This is just how the place looks right now." There's mess -- and then there's moving mess. There's only so much that can be done if the mess is due to a move. The couple that looked at the place seemed to like it well enough ... I'm mostly just hoping they like it well enough to want it. They were pretty fantastic, and I'd like to leave this place in good hands, you know? Aside from that, it's been a day of packing and raking leaves. (Leaf raking: one of the more gratifying chores. Not overly strenuous and not likely to need repeating for some time. Grass grows back after you mow, snow falls again after you shovel -- but unless there's a windy day before they're swept up, leaves only need to be raked once.) It is a perfect day outside. Maybe it's time for ...

I have never spent as little time around other humans as these past few days. Despite taking my alone time to a new extreme, it's been an okay week. When I get tired of hanging out at home (or when I just can't look at another cardboard box without uttering some strange pseudo-curse word), I go elsewhere to study for my GRE. When I get hungry, I can take as much time as I want to cook something. And the baking. Oh, the baking. It's true -- I'm in the honeymoon phase of this whole experience. At some point reality will set in and it's going to get rough. I'm guessing that'll be in about two weeks as I finish moving all my earthly belongings into my car and vacate this house I've inhabited for the last two and a half years. It's been some time since I've been in one residence this long, and it'll likely be more than a few years before I can say that again. If nothing else made me feel a bit odd, that's it right there. Anyway! Enou...

Well! Here's a topic I had hoped I wouldn't really experience -- but since I'm currently in the midst of said experience, it would be selfish of me to keep this new knowledge to myself. Some of this is my own -- some of it comes from people wiser than me who have been through it already. All of it is worth repeating. So here we go. * It happened. Your workplace is having difficulty recovering from this lovely recession and you find yourself amongst the crowd unceremoniously let go. Just like that, you're on the curb, wondering what the heck happened and what's going to happen next. Maybe you're panicking a little -- your income is zero. As a single woman, you don't have a husband there to lean on while you find a new job. Maybe you're angry. Maybe you're relieved. None of it changes your scenario. You are now unemployed. Before I go any more into this, I'd like to lay out a few things. I'm assuming this was at least moderately unexpe...

Something weird happened today. I stepped outside this morning and actually thought, "Hm. It's kind of chilly." The catch? It was "only" 60° outside. It's been unseasonably warm for a couple of weeks now, including near-80s just a few days ago. Nothing like October last year when it actually got cold earlier than usual and snowed. Consistency just isn't a Midwest thing. In any case, this jobless thing has made it much, much easier to enjoy the weather (and get used to being out in town with the elderly population of Wausau, but that's a different topic). It has been awesome. Now, if only the Square wasn't all torn up. It'd be great if I could pull up a spot on the grass over there to go through my vocab flashcards. Alas, no grass. Only dirt. Yeah, life is rough.

... I'm experimenting with the look of this blog. We'll see where it goes.

I have a headache. I'd blame the vocab words I've been going through but the headache started first. The last week has been a little hectic. I'm getting my things in order to move back to good ol' SoDak and in the process I've been trying to buoy my spirits about moving home after an eight-year absence. So. The cons: - No more Red Eye. - No more easily-attained craft beer in general. - No more fresh cheese. - Neubs, Emma Jean, Moonie, E-Train, the Admiral, and all sorts of others either live here or live closer to here than Sioux Falls. However, the pros: - I'll be seeing friends that I haven't seen much of for the last eight years. - Even temporary jobs are easier to come by around there. - They have an adult soccer league. - Sioux Falls in general has a lot more options, particularly in the coffee shop realm. (As expected when the area population more than triples.) - Winter stinks a lot less there. - I won't have to shovel the drivew...

I'm going to post this ... and then I'll get back to work. I love the Muppets.

There are a lot of things in life I don't understand. Religious wars. Climate change. The appeal of plaid shorts on men. How Brett Favre can quit his job twice and still get it back ... with a raise, no less. Why I can remember the names of the actors in "Basic" (even Giovanni Ribisi, before he was in "Avatar") but can't remember the steps to the citric acid cycle overnight. [While I'm thinking about "Avatar," why in the world they chose to name their element "unobtainium" when so many of their target population were going to roll their eyes and/or snicker at said name. I know my friends and I exchanged incredulous looks for a moment. Totally threw me off track for a few minutes.] What's baffling me today is why the Taco Bell that recently re-opened has a perpetual line. It's just a Taco Bell. Granted it's much less creepy than the one that previously stood there -- but it's still just a Taco Bell. Real...

Well, my first week of unemployment has come and gone. If I had to put a finger on the true mental downside to the last week, it would be that no matter how much I've accomplished (and the list isn't short) I have very little to show for it just yet. I'm not even talking about my (feeble) job search. It has more to do with all of the other details. Argh. No matter. I've gotten to enjoy the daytime offerings of this town for the first time in three years (not to mention the unseasonably warm weather). If nothing else, that's made this week not so bad. Besides the school prep, which I'm actually enjoying. (There. I said it.) On to a weekend ... or as I prefer to call it, Saturdays 9 & 10. Yep.

Somehow, over the years I had forgotten. I love this movie.

Aside from when exactly I woke up this morning, this particular Monday is considerably different than any other Monday in the last three and a half years. I kind of like it. It may just be because it's 2:40 in the afternoon and I'm drinking coffee at the B. It may be because I now have a full list of those of us that departed last week and I don't envy my remaining coworkers. It may be because I'm getting an ego boost by going through GRE math questions. The verbal section might get dicey, but if I don't rock the math section I truly need to rethink my life goals. Soon, I'll head back home and get back to work on the cleaning/packing thing. My to-do list just keeps getting longer.

Four times today I forgot what day it was. So that's how this is going to go.

I have some good-sized challenges ahead of me. I have no back-ups -- no husband or other significant other with a job, no roommates willing to cut me a break on rent while I get back on my feet, no nearby relatives. My parents (their house is the easiest place for me to move) live almost five hundred miles away. Like so many places, jobs are hard to come by around here, particularly jobs that fit my particular qualifications. Those are the challenges. This is a potentially catastrophic blow. As I type that it sounds melodramatic, but it's true, especially knowing that lesser things have leveled me in the past, if only temporarily. However. In the meantime, I have a bunch of fantastic friends who have offered all sorts of help, whether it's a place to stay or a contact with a company or to provide a reference. My parents are willing to help me move (and willing to put up with their grown-up daughter for a few months while I figure out where I'm headed next). T...

Hey ... Look at that. A horoscope that's actually partially relevant. (I was amused.) Staying resentful and angry won't make you stronger -- on the contrary, they're sapping vital energy that could be much better used in other areas of your life. Let go of them little by little, and cut yourself some slack by not expecting instantaneous improvement. Digging up old hurts and examining them won't be easy, but it's definitely worth the effort. Once you release this old grievance, you'll be amazed at how uncomplicated life can be.

It was Tuesday, January 9th, 2007, when I first sat in that room. I was surrounded by middle-aged men whose importance I would only know months later, and I was probably not quite nervous enough. The truth was that the day had gone pretty well so far and my confidence was oddly buoyed. It seems only fitting that 1360 days later, I found myself in that room again, this time chatting with a career counselor for a placement agency as my time there came to an end. Yesterday held the third round of layoffs for our company in the last year and a half. This time my department didn't escape unscathed. More specifically, I didn't escape unscathed. As of about 24 hours ago, I joined the ranks of The Unemployed. As I kept telling people, I wasn't doing well -- but I had been worse. It wasn't the worst day of my life and somehow that made it much easier to deal. Howver, it hasn't really sunk in yet despite the "action item" list in my head. I need to call ...