The Myth & The Majesty

100 hours before my flight to Vegas ... Not that I'm counting, of course.

I baked a cake today ... again ... for two reasons. The first is because I intend to be social tonight but I need a contribution for the event. The second is because it's juuuust over fifty outside and raining and my house is FREEZING. It's August, right? I'm no longer sure. The leaves are turning colors already. I had to actually think, "No, I will not turn the heat on already!" It's supposed to be below forty tonight. And I don't live in Alaska, Canada, or northern Russia, thank you very much. But here I sit, in jeans and a sweatshirt and my fuzzy black snowflake slippers, warmed somewhat by the heat given off by my computer. I hope this isn't an indication of the winter to come. I like cold weather ... but this could get ridiculous.

It's a Friday night. It's a Friday night and I can't convince myself to do anything. This is no great change from any other Friday. By the end of the week I'm often feeling mildly misanthropic and ready to hibernate for a bit, away from the crowds (such as they are in this town) and even my friends. Given the craziness of this week, tonight has been a blessed escape from reality. Unfortunately, I had some late coffee and I'm overthinking things ... so I'm oddly energized and agitated. My little brother -- because he will always be my little brother, even if I'm no longer capable of easily picking him up and physically subduing him -- will be moving to college in just two days. I was chatting with my mother as she made the drive across the state with a truck full of his stuff and the reality of that hit me. For the first time in my life, I felt old. When I moved out of the house, he was just barely twelve, a little guy I still called Shorty ... and now he'

Two words: pizza parlor. Today is an oddball, even for a Friday. And it's awesome.

Ah, Benadryl. Numbs the eyes and screws with the senses. But at least I've stopped sneezing and itching my eyes.

You know that point where you realize that, no matter how hard you look, you're not going to find anything different? I remember hitting that point with "Where's Waldo?" books when I was little, with homework assignments when I got older ... And now, while I'm inspecting spreadsheets for errors. Oh yeah. Inspecting spreadsheets. Sounds exciting, hm? Some days my job is really interesting. Some days ... are more like today.

It's United Way week here at the office, which means several things: - M-Kay is collecting cakes in her cubicle at the moment (including one baked by yours truly that I think looks fantastic -- I just hope it tastes okay). - Mr. B and seven others are bracing themselves for the dunk tank this afternoon ... which hopefully won't get delayed by lightning. - We're all contributing five dollars at a time in the hopes of winning one of the baskets being raffled. - There are more people in jeans than usual on a Tuesday morning. - It's way too easy to get distracted by things that are, by definition, more interesting than tracking down Cp/Cv ratios. (Actually, most things are, by definition, more interesting than tracking down Cp/Cv ratios.) There's also a horseshoe tournament this evening, a Jenga tournament tomorrow, ladder golf on Thursday, and probably eight other things I'm forgetting. Yeah. The UW committee here kind of goes all out.

Courtesy of Yahoo! News, one of the most descriptive news blurbs I've seen. Ever. ---   Man with Spears tattoo steals earring-wearing dog Sat Aug 22, 6:38 pm ET WILTON MANORS, Fla. – A man with a tattoo of Britney Spears ' name on his arm or neck allegedly stole a Chihuahua with pink earrings from a South Florida gay bar. Brian Dortort, 48, said Thursday he has spent weeks searching for his 4-month-old pooch, named Hudson Hayward Hemingway. The dog, about the size of a softball, was in a specialty pet bag. Dortort said he let a man hold the Chihuahua for a moment during a friend's birthday party , then both of them disappeared. Police said a suspect has been identified, but it's up to the Broward State Attorney's Office to decide whether to an issue an arrest warrant . ___ Information from: South Florida Sun-Sentinel

Twelve Things I've Done This Weekend 1. Thoroughly enjoyed having a drink with just a few friends. 2. Contemplated becoming the Cat Lady (see previous post). 3. Load upon load of laundry. 4. Dressed up and attended the Big Brothers Big Sisters fundraiser, the Big Taste . Awesome, awesome event! 5. Purchased a cordless drill, finally. 6. Intentionally put myself into several awkward situations. 7. Acquired all the necessary ingredients for a cake walk cake. Including finally buying a cake carrier. 8. Hibernated and watched movies. ("Coraline," "The Philadelphia Story" and "The Shawshank Redemption" so far...) 9. Cleaned my living room. 10. Messed it up again. 11. Lectured myself at least once each for the following: being too messy, being lazy, being a sissy (yeah, that's a fun one), trying too hard to please people, not calling my mother when I intend to, not calling my grandparents when I intend to, putting myself in awkward situations for no real

Crazy cat lady talking to herself at Target ... The only real difference between her and me is that I can't own cats.

It is weirdly autumnal out there. I have no attention span this week whatsoever. These last six months haven't been great ones. Maybe the fall will bring something new and exciting. Maybe not. Okay. Time to do something besides this.

*Ahem.* MEMO To Wisconsonians everywhere: The Packers, by and large, don't care. So I suggest calming down ... and looking forward to the game against the Vikings this year. Thanks, Ashley

DISTRACTED. (the end.)

I have a problem. I know, I know, I know. Blanket statement. (Stop laughing, you.) In this case I'm referring to something quite specific: an apparent inability to speak. It's something that's always been an issue at certain times. Crisis situations, for instance -- I can do the right thing without too much difficulty. My brain functions quite well for that. But I can't say the right thing to save me. Lately, though, it's been more of an all-around issue. It's not just the come-and-go stutter I seem to have developed in the last six years of my life, or the occasional shyness. It's a complete and utter lack of ability to be coherent and articulate when it matters. I blame the 24 voices. Wait -- have I ever explained the 24 voices here? I sound like a nutter if I don't. Okay: the 24 voices are what make it hard for women to make decisions. When you have 24 different voices telling you to do something or picking a direction, you can easily have a 2-, 3-, 4

Why I'm Confused Today: "No, I've got the rain gutter -- I need a boat!"

Let me just say something. I do not -- do not -- enjoy the heat. My average body temp is just a little above average and I overheat too easily. Humidity gets to me quickly. On the flip side, I stay warm when everybody else needs to add a layer when the weather cools down. One of the reasons I prefer spring and fall to mid-summer. Anyway! All summer I've been comfortable. My un-air-conditioned house has been perfectly fine. However, It's finally acting like summer around here. I think it hit ninety yesterday, and today it's more of the same. I am not adjusting well. After the craziness of last weekend (which, to reiterate, started with a night out with the boys, then went on to include the death of a friend and the wedding of other friends), I need a weekend where I do very little. Or at least where I stay home and take care of things here. (This house is a disaster zone.) I need to clean. I need to mow. But. Things are -- and I'm not joking -- melting off my wall. I al

Today's Yahoo! Horoscope for Taurus: Today is a great day to clean out your emotional closet and say what you have been wanting to say to that certain someone. Holding on to your feelings is not wise -- it could cause your imagination to run wild and fear to overtake you. They could convince you that something is going on or something could be happening that isn't really true. Once you get your feelings out of your system, you will be amazed at how much lighter and happier you feel. Yeah ... So I'm pretty sure that under no circumstances should I be telling ANY certain someones what I've been wanting to say, good or bad. No cleaning closets, no venting anything, no admitting anything. Today is not the day for induced revelations. Nothing's quite coming out correctly this week anyway -- so even if I tried, odds are good the message would get muddled and I'd be back where I started. I'm ready for a quiet weekend.

(The dissipation of Hurricane WI.) It started last night about the time our volleyball match got going. There was a steady flicker in the distance; by the time our games were over, it had started raining and we could finally hear the rumble of thunder. We've been low on precipitation all summer ... so twelve steady hours of rain is taking its toll. The lightning actually woke me up in the middle of the night and convinced me to unplug a few appliances. (Childhood memories of lost stereos and TVs in our lightning rod house make me somewhat justifiably paranoid.) And this morning I found myself thankful for new tires. My old set had me hydroplaning if someone spit on the road -- getting through the urban flooding on my street would have been nearly impossible. My backyard will be a full meadow by tomorrow.

The one thing that made Tuesday just a bit more bearable was that I think I laughed almost as much as I cried. The funeral service was packed ... and absolutely beautiful. Heartbreaking, yes. But beautiful. As much as I wish it would have happened under happier circumstances, it was good to meet his family and his other friends, people that knew him and wanted to exchange stories. And wow, were there stories. There was a whole lot of life lived in those twenty-six years. I'm starting to feel a bit more human. After getting by for about four days on mostly liquids and a lot of sleep, things needed to get a bit more normal. I've found that as long as I eat with other people, I manage to have regular meals. And as long as I can get through the mornings, I'm able to concentrate during the afternoons (yesterday and today have been wrought with me dozing off at my desk in the AM hours -- not good). I know my own tendency to assimilate. That alarmingly cold and practical

(Written in a hotel room in Bloomington , Minnesota, on the 10 th of August, 2009.) I left my business casual in a puddle on the floor, opting instead for pajamas. The only mental response I really had was a quest for comfort ... Anything comfortable. Pajamas and Girl Scout cookies would have to do for the moment. My friends are on the way and at least then things will pretend to improve. We'll have each other anyway. I left Sauk Rapids yesterday and could only think, "What am I doing? I should be staying here!" But that sense of obligation was there -- the, "Ashley, you have work to do. If you had finished it last week you could just stay in town." "But I had no idea." By the time I was outside St. Cloud, I was making plans for the return trip that I had been certain I wouldn't make. It felt so wrong to be leaving. I woke up this morning resolved. I was going to go back. And it's a good thing I had already made that decision or getting throu

My sister would have called Jon "stormy-cloudy." This was perhaps why we were friends so quickly -- he wasn't any more prone to covering his emotions than I was. It was easy enough to figure out what he was thinking and that made him seem much less complicated than the other people I was meeting. Jon was the first best friend I had at Tech, the first person I lured into conversation with popcorn and the first person with whom I stayed up chatting for hours. He introduced me to "Donnie Darko" and Chuck Palahniuk; I helped him with his Chem 112 homework. We played sardines at the home of people neither of us had ever met; we talked religion and learned how to play Risk. Soon we were part of a pod of second floor Connolly people that ate, played, battled, and occasionally studied together. He was the guy that carried Barb down the Harney Peak trail after she wrenched her knee, who hid out of bounds when we played games in the quad, who didn't notice

This weekend was one of extremes. Plain and simple. That's really all I'm willing to say about it right now. There will be more later when I can write again ... But right now the words fail me. Suffice it to say that Saturday I was trying to be happy because I was at a wedding -- and I was, for awhile. But the rest of the weekend pretty much sucked.

Today's horoscope: "A certain amount of frustration may be present in your life right now, much as you would like to avoid it. Try to work solo as much as possible to duck any negative energy around you. You can actually turn this sense of discontent to your advantage -- a situation that is using your last nerve as a jump rope might just force you to find a solution. Direct your formidable resources toward this, and you'll be sitting pretty in no time." Ha! For once -- "try to work solo as much as possible." I like that. I'm not sure I can identify any formidable resources, however...

I have two cousins with birthdays today -- and while I'll try to catch them on Facebook later, for now ... Happy birthday, kids! (Neither of them probably appreciate being called kids, but I feel stranger acknowledging that they're both old enough to get into R-rated movies.)

It all started on Friday when I walked into the B and, for the first time in years, the B actually disrupted my equilibrium. It was a simple enough transition -- they had moved a few shelves and the main group of armchairs. Unfortunately, they moved them to what used to be my slightly-hidden spot to sit down and read. Which means that I now have to a) reorient myself in the store (when they move one shelf, there's a trickle down effect and I can no longer find anything), and b) find a new slightly-hidden spot for those Sunday afternoons when the store is overrun. It's not really a bad thing. Change is good. I have some exploring to do. Plus I'm less likely to buy something if I don't know exactly where to find it -- and oddly enough, I rarely buy a book the first time it occurs to me that I might want to. Saturday was spent shopping in Appleton, where there was huge success -- the two brides that were there both found their dresses (we had nothing to do with tha

Something's off.