All In My Head
I have a problem.
I know, I know, I know. Blanket statement. (Stop laughing, you.) In this case I'm referring to something quite specific: an apparent inability to speak.
It's something that's always been an issue at certain times. Crisis situations, for instance -- I can do the right thing without too much difficulty. My brain functions quite well for that. But I can't say the right thing to save me.
Lately, though, it's been more of an all-around issue.
It's not just the come-and-go stutter I seem to have developed in the last six years of my life, or the occasional shyness. It's a complete and utter lack of ability to be coherent and articulate when it matters.
I blame the 24 voices.
Wait -- have I ever explained the 24 voices here? I sound like a nutter if I don't. Okay: the 24 voices are what make it hard for women to make decisions. When you have 24 different voices telling you to do something or picking a direction, you can easily have a 2-, 3-, 4-, 6-, 8-, or 12-way tie. Worse yet, while one voice is suggesting something loudly, two other voices are invariably coming up with another option.
Maybe I still sound like a nutter, but there's the general issue. It seems that whenever I'm trying to make a point lately, those voices (normally referred to collectively as a "conscience" -- or if I were a cartoon, as a "thought bubble") are failing me somehow. Either they're all yelling something different at the same time and I can't seem to think straight -- or I'm catching each of them daydreaming, like calling on a kid the week before summer vacation.
"Ashley? Can you tell us why this is?"
"Wha--?" She stares blankly ahead. "I think that it's -- um -- well -- can you repeat the question?"
On a day-to-day basis I don't seem to have issues. Not shockingly -- day-to-day questions and decisions aren't that difficult. And for that matter, technical questions aren't so bad ... There's that simplicity that comes with a right answer or a wrong answer.
But when it comes to the subjective things -- what to say when someone asks for an opinion, how to respond to a snarky comment, what to say to someone in a not-so-good place, whether or not (and how) to break the ice -- my usually overflowing confidence shrinks and hides.
And I either talk in a circle or talk complete gibberish.
It's getting tiresome.
Any thoughts? Any help? Any psychiatrists to recommend?
I know, I know, I know. Blanket statement. (Stop laughing, you.) In this case I'm referring to something quite specific: an apparent inability to speak.
It's something that's always been an issue at certain times. Crisis situations, for instance -- I can do the right thing without too much difficulty. My brain functions quite well for that. But I can't say the right thing to save me.
Lately, though, it's been more of an all-around issue.
It's not just the come-and-go stutter I seem to have developed in the last six years of my life, or the occasional shyness. It's a complete and utter lack of ability to be coherent and articulate when it matters.
I blame the 24 voices.
Wait -- have I ever explained the 24 voices here? I sound like a nutter if I don't. Okay: the 24 voices are what make it hard for women to make decisions. When you have 24 different voices telling you to do something or picking a direction, you can easily have a 2-, 3-, 4-, 6-, 8-, or 12-way tie. Worse yet, while one voice is suggesting something loudly, two other voices are invariably coming up with another option.
Maybe I still sound like a nutter, but there's the general issue. It seems that whenever I'm trying to make a point lately, those voices (normally referred to collectively as a "conscience" -- or if I were a cartoon, as a "thought bubble") are failing me somehow. Either they're all yelling something different at the same time and I can't seem to think straight -- or I'm catching each of them daydreaming, like calling on a kid the week before summer vacation.
"Ashley? Can you tell us why this is?"
"Wha--?" She stares blankly ahead. "I think that it's -- um -- well -- can you repeat the question?"
On a day-to-day basis I don't seem to have issues. Not shockingly -- day-to-day questions and decisions aren't that difficult. And for that matter, technical questions aren't so bad ... There's that simplicity that comes with a right answer or a wrong answer.
But when it comes to the subjective things -- what to say when someone asks for an opinion, how to respond to a snarky comment, what to say to someone in a not-so-good place, whether or not (and how) to break the ice -- my usually overflowing confidence shrinks and hides.
And I either talk in a circle or talk complete gibberish.
It's getting tiresome.
Any thoughts? Any help? Any psychiatrists to recommend?
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