The Myth & The Majesty

I'm not sure how to describe how I'm feeling right now. I am ... content? That's probably the right word. Things have gone well this weekend. I've stayed busy, I've gotten some things done, I've had fun. My room is clean, which for those of you who know me, is a MAJOR accomplishment. Went to a rodeo last night (bull riding) , then to the ice rink for a free Tech skate night, and THEN to Perkins until 1:30 in the morning with a rather bad waitress. But the truth is, the happiness started Friday night at Borders. Some people take drugs, some people go on pilgrimages, some people retreat to the mountains for a month looking for clarity. I go to a bookstore. Okay, so it doesn't always work. Sometimes it's just a bookstore. Sometimes I just walk in for five minutes so I can get coffee. And sometimes, it's just what my brain needs to calm down and concentrate. No more deep stuff. I'm done for now. Have a great day, people....

Anyway, back in the real world. We're sticking around here today (contrary to yesterday's plans) which is actually okay, because there's a fair amount of free entertainment available tonight. Still excited about "Phantom" last night. It was just that good. Last night as a whole was pretty awesome. About 7:00 I realized most of my usual crowd had plans (being that they're all dating each other and it was a Friday night, what else would you expect?) and that I had nothing to do. I chatted with Colt and Josh for awhile, then said, "Hey, I'm hungry" and went off in search of food. Ironically, I never ate supper. Ended up at Borders for awhile for coffee and contemplation, and after feeling much better about myself, I ended up at "Phantom." Alone, yes, but I think that may be my way of going to movies from now on. And, as you already know, the movie was awesome. So here I am. I'm still not sure what else to talk a...

Astounded. I just got back from "The Phantom of the Opera," and let me say -- wow. I'm still in awe. I'm aware that there are plenty of people out there who wouldn't agree with me, but you know what? I don't care. It was amazing. Moving, majestic, beautiful ... A true tribute to what a movie should be, especially one with such a creative background. It may help that I love the story in the first place: the love, the horror, the little bits of humor. And it may be that the music alone is enough. In any case ... Amazing. Not a strong enough word, but all my feeble mind can come up with right now. Wow.

FRIDAY!! WOOT!! Just have to survive the next ... eight hours and I'm golden. Four o'clock hits and I'm done for the week. Yahooage. Heard some interesting possible news last night and it made my day. I'd divulge if I knew details, but for now ... Well, we'll see, I guess, and perhaps in the future you'll all hear a story. Anybody out there know how I might get a picture into a post? I've tried everything I can think of, but I'm rather computer-tarded and nothing seems to work. I better get back to my biochemistry. I promise, something more substantial will appear soon. Cannot find REALITY.SYS Universe halted.

Dude. Well, I'm happy to say that I'm enjoying classes this semester. After last semester's thermo disaster (I can't stand thermo), I was a little worried, but this semester's rounding out nicely. BUT. I'm definitely not a freshman anymore. I mean, I've been mistaken as one (when I turn 21, I'm going to have to wear my ID around my neck for the first three years before anyone believes me), but my classes prove otherwise. Well, except for intro to sociology, which is actually a general that I'm finally fitting in. Mostly, this occurred to me as I left biochemistry today. Holy cow, that's a labor-intensive class ... It's all self-taught, with quizzes in class (first by yourself, then the same quiz in a group). I haven't done terribly well yet, but I'm still catching on to the style of the class. Anyway, I have some amino acids to memorize. Better get back to work. Later, people. Don't hate yourself in the morni...

Why are computer labs smelly? I suppose there's a simple scientific explanation here. After all, they have a tendency to be warmer than some classrooms, and they're high-traffic areas. However, there are very few low-traffic classrooms, and even the ones on the top floor of the math building (the hottest ones on campus) don't have tendencies toward smelliness. Normally I wouldn't open my blog with this kind of greeting, but I was contemplating that while I was working in the lab in the chem-e building earlier today. It's smelly, kind of like the lab in the dorm next door, and the one in the classroom building. We're talking serious, permanent B.O.-type stink. The kind that makes you walk out and smell yourself, just in case you picked up the scent while you were in there (like you do when you spend quality time at a bowling alley). Personally, I think it has more to do with the fact that far too many students spend multiple hours of the day in a c...

Wow, suddenly ... I just want to rant. Not about anything important, mind you. Forget important stuff -- you want to hear about that, watch the news, read something informative. This is a blog. My blog. This isn't the place, especially not tonight. I just watched the movie "Pump Up The Volume," an old (well, 1990) flick with Christian Slater that I think every teenager/20-something should see. It's not a cinematic masterpiece. It doesn't have Oscar-winning acting. But it gives you just enough to make you think, especially if you're like me and didn't particularly enjoy high school. I've been feeling pretty low lately ... Rather alone, really. No terribly good reason ... Well, I guess it's because I've been hanging out with a couple of people that are just that -- a couple. And, while I love them both dearly, there's that third wheel thing, combined with the massive confusion in my life. There's one guy in my life who...

Got pranked early this morning. A couple of people (who shall remain nameless) covered my door frame with plastic wrap, then filled in the gap between the plastic and my door with packing peanuts. Got an anonymous comment on a previous blog, too, in a not-quite-a-threat, not-quite-an-insult form. (Deleted it. Sorry.) Wish I could believe it was just some random jerk from across the country, but a stronger feeling tells me that it's someone a little closer to home. If it is -- well, what do you want me to say? I'm not exactly thrilled with my life right now, but I have a couple things I'm happy about. If it makes you feel better, I spend a lot of time miserable. Happy yet?

Ah, the weekend continues. Yesterday, we went sledding in the afternoon, followed by some time at Borders, Chili's, Best Buy, then movies in Ashli's room. Very relaxing. Sledding was awesome, with the exception of my first run ... I had some pretty good speed going down this hill (on my laminated sheet of foam) when I hit a rather large rock, butt-first. That hurt enough, but it launched me just a little and I landed on another, slightly smaller rock. Ouch. Plowed to a stop and laid in the snow contemplating movement for a couple minutes. Think I worried some of the other sledders a little, but there's only so much you can do when you can't breathe. We changed locations after that little fiasco and things went much more smoothly, so to speak. Had a good laugh at Andy, who seems to have issues with staying on the sled in the first place. The runs around town were uneventful. Got a CD -- Nellie McKay, who's ... interesting. I like her, but she's very...

Ah, long weekends. Sure, Christmas vacation is great. Spring break is awesome. But there's something strangely comforting about getting just one day longer to sleep, eat, and hang out. Last night we kicked off the weekend with bowling, sledding, pizza, and Perkins (and some with alcohol, but that's just a Friday night at Tech ... or any college, for that matter). While I'm fully aware that we probably can't keep the steam up all weekend, it'll be fun to try. I have the urge to watch a chick flick ... or maybe some "Fraggle Rock" (except wait, I don't have any Fraggle ...) . It's been that kind of month: lots of confusion, lots of turmoil, lots of work -- and we've only been back for a week. I'm sick of thinking so hard about what's going on in my life. And some of it -- well, some of it I'd just like to settle and get out of the way. Does that make any sense? Oh! And I've officially received word -- I'm go...

I'm a wimp. Yup. In an unrelated story, a memorial was held today in honor of Turtle, Chad, and a girl named Danielle that died in a car accident at the beginning of Christmas break. Not a dry eye in the place ... I'm not sure how many hundreds of people were there, but it was standing room only by the time the service started. It's still next to impossible to believe they're gone, and I still don't think it's hit me fully yet. One of these days I'll just sit in my room crying, the truth having finally hit home. Until then ... All in all a day for contemplation. I'm not sure where I'm going right now, or with whom ... I don't know what to expect from the rest of this semester, how my classes will go, whether or not I'll even want to be here in May. But I think I'm ready to start finding out. Put your clothes back on your imagination and come back! -Ashli

First day of classes down! This is looking like a pretty interesting semester ... Sociology, microbiology, chemical kinetics, mass transfer, and biochemistry. Yes. Yes, I'm a nerd. It's great. Think it helps that I've got some fun professors, especially the sociology one ... He's a bit off his rocker, in an awesome sort of way. I had so much I wanted to say, but ... Well, most of it's slipped my mind since. Ashli and I were talking about how clothing seems to fit a person's personality, and from there we were wondering if those who "dress" people (you know -- girlfriends who change how their boyfriends dress, or people on makeover shows) are really changing the person's personality instead, intentionally or otherwise. I've known a couple of those guys, and ... well, they always look a little uncomfortable in their own skin, you know? Makes you wonder what kind of relationship really exists there. And ... well, I'm a little ...

Hmm. What's wrong with me? It's kind of strange. I've found that I have this little ability to shut myself off. My emotions, my thoughts, my hindrances -- just off at the touch of a button. But ... Well, what if I can't seem to turn them back on again? I remember having those emotions and thoughts. I know they exist, somewhere inside me, but I'm not feeling them anymore. Nothing revives, nothing awakens. Every once in awhile, I get a twinge, but that's about it. I can trace the origin of this deficiency, too, and anyone who knows me would probably know when that was. (A clue: about eight months ago.) I dealt with the feelings for awhile, then found this little switch, and I turned them off. Those particular feelings -- especially the angry ones -- come back (regarding that particular person) from time to time, but there haven't been any new emotions popping up in extremes, nothing like what I've felt before -- no extreme highs or lo...

Yay for being able to post from my own computer again! Check out the Strong Bad Virus Email -- this is how I was feeling before I finally ran an effective virus scan. My poor, mistreated computer. Bought books today. Talk about agony ... Oh well. These things had better last the forty years or so that they're expected to now, at the prices I paid for them. The dumb feeling hasn't receded just yet. I need to get my brain back to a functioning level. This is going to be a long semester if I'm still so easily distracted. Still nothing useful to say. Need ideas here, people. Just tell me what to talk about and, assuming I can form an opinion, I'll write about it. Don't think of it as overwhelming numbers; think of it as a wide selection of targets.

And ... back at school. Just like that, too. Thanks to some awesome people, my computer's starting to suck a little less. I've finally got functioning Internet again, but I still can't check my email from here or use MSN. I'm confused ... What the monkeys would go wrong with a computer so that it rejects MSN and anything MSN related? Seems ... Well, not terribly logical, that's for sure. Almost moved in. Already had a couple stupid moments (locked myself out of my room once within 24 hours of being back ... argh). What can I say? Nothing exciting. Gotta buy books tomorrow. Yuck. Yup. School again. And the interesting subjects thus die. It is not a lack of real affection that scares me away again and again from marriage. Is it a fear of the comfortable life, of nice furniture, of dishonor that I burden myself with, or even the fear of becomiong a contented bourgeois? -Albert Einstein

The desire to write, coupled with the uncontrollable feeling that it doesn't really matter what I say. Egads. One of those days. A little long, a little boring, a lot of time to think. And thinking's not all it's cracked up to be some times. Namely this time, when few thoughts are positive ones. Um ... Yeah. Sums things up, I think. Oh! Relient K concert in Denver on February 26th! Bright spot to the day!

Still not sure how to react ... I can't believe Turtle's gone. I suspect this will hit me sometime today or tomorrow, leading to temporary uncontrollable crying. Until then, I'm in a daze. Nothing quite beats a friend's death to make you rethink your own life. I'm not sure I have a purpose right now, but suddenly ... Well, if they could run out of time, who's to say I'm not running the clock out myself? Something to contemplate. Glad I decided to go to Russia. Been browsing through some blogs (funny the things that amuse you when you have a short attention span but don't want to think too hard), and I have to say, I've found some interesting ones. Bit confused about some people's profuse swearing even while they're in a hyper-intellectual state. You lose a bit of momentum when you can't restrain the profanity (and you end up sounding like an idiot). A few that were a waste of my time (wow, I sound like a ... um, not nice per...

Two men from Tech died in a car accident yesterday (the 4th), and one more was released from the hospital today. They were all members of one of the fraternities (same pledge class, I believe), and they all lived on the same floor as me freshman or sophomore year. One of them was a pretty decent friend of mine, too. Please pray for the friends and family of Trent (Turtle) and Chad, and pray for Justin and his family and friends as well.

Ah, snow. Makes me want to sit at home and eat a salad. Well, not really, but that's all I've managed to do since it started, and Mom's been pushing this dressing ... It's pretty good. You don't really even taste the anchovies, except as an aftertaste sort of situation. I have a strange family. As you may or may not have noticed, I've been massively re-vamping my blog, trying to make it look more ... well, look more, I guess. I finally seem to have a template that allows comments -- whee! Comment away, people! (Okay, so this will likely do minimal good, as people have to read the blog in order to comment on it in the first place.) Unfortunately, I seem to have lost my links that I used to have ... Still have to play with this new template a little. You should all check out my friend's blog . He's going to Australia next semester (he's leaving us, dangnabbit!), and is going to try the blog thing for keeping in touch. Spent some qua...

Happy New Year! This break has been absolutely amazing ... I spent last night with some strange, interesting, fun people that, until about 10:00 last night, I had never met in my entire life. And I had a great time. Besides that, I got to spend the last few days with the Storm crowd ... Not sure it gets better than that. Family stuff, what little I've been around for, has been awesome. And then there's the fact that I got to see Dan. I do, however, have two friends who I know care very much for each other that just broke up. I'm a little confused about this, and more than a little concerned for both of them. But it's not my life, and I need to remember that ... Anyway, if either of you read this and feel a need to vent, you know how to reach me. All for now. Talk to you soon! Does fuzzy logic tickle?