The "L" Word (Part 4)
"I am determined that nothing but the deepest love could ever induce me into matrimony. And so I shall end an old maid..."
-Lizzy Bennett, "Pride and Prejudice" (1995)
I have a deep abiding love for Jane Austen, one that's only getting stronger as I learn more about life in general. That line was not in the book -- she wouldn't have dreamt of writing it. That went against all common thought about marriage at the time she was writing her books, and saying something like that outright would have surely limited the number of people who accepted her as a serious author. [I digress. Another post for another day.]
But in the movie? It's a great line. And I can't help but identify with it.
What I Really Think About Love
There is no shortage of love in my life -- at least of the "pure" form, the non-romantic form. As a general rule, that is how I have come to prefer it.
I am very, very good at being single. And quite comfortable with it.
My family? Whole lotta love. My friends? Amazing. The family dog? Nothing but affection. (Which is kind of too bad, since I'm allergic to him.)
That being said, I like the idea of romantic love. That's probably why I enjoy weddings; that's romantic love at it's finest hour. This is also why I have such a genuine admiration for couples like my parents and Megan and Jim (and my friends Katie and Joe, who are another favorite story of mine but I can't publish without more information from Katie); their "romance" is outside the gushy stereotype considered normal. Their romance is unique to them and their respective personalities. It's not over-the-top or putting on airs. It just ... is.
Perhaps this is my way of stating that I'm not terribly romantic -- certainly not by today's standards. Romance within a couple should be personal, fitting to the two individuals. If you've been here long enough, you've read my rants about Valentine's Day and what comes across as the manufactured romance it fosters. Unfortunately, this is one of those things that quite regularly comes across as not very "girl-like" ... which in turn makes me great friend material.
I am not the kind of girl most guys think of when they decide to ask someone out.
Total honesty forces me to say that this is perfectly okay with me. I know that I don't take dating lightly, nor do I have any interest in dating just for the sake of not being single.
It doesn't help that I have a certain amount of fear of letting go of the freedom I currently have. What a cliche ... Egads. But it's true. I love being able to disappear for a weekend without anyone worrying about me. I enjoy only having to pay for one ticket -- and, rather selfishly, I like not having to share holidays.
I like my life and I have a very hard time imagining sharing it with anyone.
So I take Lizzy Bennett's view. Until I meet that guy who I can picture somewhere in my distant future, I remain single.
It's a tall order; I have a lot of interests and I'm a bit of a handful. That guy has a lot to live up to -- as Mia Sorella and I discussed, yes, women have a tendency towards men who are a lot like their fathers, and our father is really something else. My guy friends (all pretty awesome guys) don't make it any easier.
Do I hope for love? Of course. But forcing it is no way to go through life; searching high and low is exhausting and ultimately very unfulfilling. And really, I have other things on which to focus my energy.
Am I afraid of ending an old maid? Some days, but as a general rule, no. The thought of ending up with a guy who doesn't fit is far scarier to me.
Until that right one comes along, I will enjoy my life without him.
-Lizzy Bennett, "Pride and Prejudice" (1995)
I have a deep abiding love for Jane Austen, one that's only getting stronger as I learn more about life in general. That line was not in the book -- she wouldn't have dreamt of writing it. That went against all common thought about marriage at the time she was writing her books, and saying something like that outright would have surely limited the number of people who accepted her as a serious author. [I digress. Another post for another day.]
But in the movie? It's a great line. And I can't help but identify with it.
What I Really Think About Love
There is no shortage of love in my life -- at least of the "pure" form, the non-romantic form. As a general rule, that is how I have come to prefer it.
I am very, very good at being single. And quite comfortable with it.
My family? Whole lotta love. My friends? Amazing. The family dog? Nothing but affection. (Which is kind of too bad, since I'm allergic to him.)
That being said, I like the idea of romantic love. That's probably why I enjoy weddings; that's romantic love at it's finest hour. This is also why I have such a genuine admiration for couples like my parents and Megan and Jim (and my friends Katie and Joe, who are another favorite story of mine but I can't publish without more information from Katie); their "romance" is outside the gushy stereotype considered normal. Their romance is unique to them and their respective personalities. It's not over-the-top or putting on airs. It just ... is.
Perhaps this is my way of stating that I'm not terribly romantic -- certainly not by today's standards. Romance within a couple should be personal, fitting to the two individuals. If you've been here long enough, you've read my rants about Valentine's Day and what comes across as the manufactured romance it fosters. Unfortunately, this is one of those things that quite regularly comes across as not very "girl-like" ... which in turn makes me great friend material.
I am not the kind of girl most guys think of when they decide to ask someone out.
Total honesty forces me to say that this is perfectly okay with me. I know that I don't take dating lightly, nor do I have any interest in dating just for the sake of not being single.
It doesn't help that I have a certain amount of fear of letting go of the freedom I currently have. What a cliche ... Egads. But it's true. I love being able to disappear for a weekend without anyone worrying about me. I enjoy only having to pay for one ticket -- and, rather selfishly, I like not having to share holidays.
I like my life and I have a very hard time imagining sharing it with anyone.
So I take Lizzy Bennett's view. Until I meet that guy who I can picture somewhere in my distant future, I remain single.
It's a tall order; I have a lot of interests and I'm a bit of a handful. That guy has a lot to live up to -- as Mia Sorella and I discussed, yes, women have a tendency towards men who are a lot like their fathers, and our father is really something else. My guy friends (all pretty awesome guys) don't make it any easier.
Do I hope for love? Of course. But forcing it is no way to go through life; searching high and low is exhausting and ultimately very unfulfilling. And really, I have other things on which to focus my energy.
Am I afraid of ending an old maid? Some days, but as a general rule, no. The thought of ending up with a guy who doesn't fit is far scarier to me.
Until that right one comes along, I will enjoy my life without him.
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