Sunday, June 2, 2013

New Rules For A New Age

Raise your hand if you never expected to think, "I am so tired of seeing pictures of other people's food."


With all the crazy advances in technology in the last two decades, we haven't managed to maintain a consistent form of etiquette as a human race. As such, I am proposing some rules.


Some Social Media Guidelines to Avoid Irritating Everybody

Not just for baking cookies.
1. You have the right to post as many Instagrammed photos of your food as you would like. I maintain the right to bonk you on the head with a spoon for each one.

2. When two people meet and want to add each other on Facebook, it is the duty of the one with the more common last name to find the other.

3. All caps is yelling. Yelling isn't nice. Try to be nice.

4. You can set different privacy settings for different people. Find them. Set them appropriately. Your relatives and your college buddies shouldn't see the same things.

5. If it's not something you would be willing to show to a random stranger in a coffee shop, maybe you should reconsider posting it on Facebook.

6. Your kids are adorable. They'd be much cuter if I didn't know about their bowel movements.

7. There is no real point behind Twitter. Embrace that. Use it. Whatever. Just don't expect much.

8. The amount of drama you air on any social media should be inversely proportional to your chronological distance from puberty. (In other words, if you're my age, cut that out.)

9. The length of any status update should be directly proportional to the attention spans of your audience. (Long stuff goes in blogs. This is what makes Twitter brilliant.)

10. If you insist on using your profile as just another place to impose abrasive opinions, be prepared to be ignored.


Now if you'll excuse me, I need to find a spoon to start carrying at all times...

1 comment:

Andi said...

1. I invite you to travel here to bonk me with a spoon! ;-) Not that I'm particularly guilty.
4. Or, better yet, don't post anything you wouldn't be okay with everyone seeing. Private isn't really that private on stalkbook
6. See STFU, Parents...
8 & 10 are what the unfriend button is for...