Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Affected Affection

I wish I could describe this past weekend, which I spent in moderate seclusion with a large group of women. In Iowa, no less.

But beyond that ... well. It just has to be experienced.

However, in amongst the intensity and the food, I found myself doing something I don't generally do.

My family is not a particularly affectionate one. We share love through conversation, time together, and no small dose of sarcasm. (Generally -- and I think this is true of all of us -- if we're willing to tease you, we like you.) With the exception of Shorty, we are not really huggers.

And it's possible he became a hugger as a small act of rebellion.

This goes double for me. I just don't hug. In fact, in my awkward engineer kind of way I generally avoid physical contact. I get squeamish and uncomfortable very quickly and then it just gets weird for everyone involved.

This last weekend, however, something shifted. I didn't even realize what it was right away, but at some point it clicked: I was hugging people voluntarily. There was no squeamishness, no awkwardness (well, not related to that). I didn't feel odd or out of sorts. And it kept happening.

It was very strange.

Is this a shift in personality? Was it a temporary change? I'm not sure. But I do know that wow, it felt good to let myself get closer to people, even if it was only for a few days.

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