SWG2L: The Assumptions People Make

[This falls into the "rant" category. Wholeheartedly.]

As an engineer, half of my job description is in making assumptions. Assuming that heat exchangers perform at a certain efficiency or better, assuming that the waste we're treating is at a nearly constant concentration, assuming that I don't lose more heat than "x" amount going through the piping.

Ask any engineer. We live and die by assumptions. They are required for us to do our jobs in any form of non-theoretical, logical, timely manner.

That being said, there are times and places for assumptions. Now, what's been alarming me lately are the assumptions people are making about me based simply on my marital status. Just to give you an idea, here are a few of the things I've been told in recent history -- not asked, mind you, but told:

1. I must be bored.
2. I must be lonely.
3. I must be looking for a boyfriend.
4. My "talents" are going to waste. (This one was referring to cooking.)
5. I must be, um, "frustrated."
6. It must be too quiet at my house.
7. I have plenty of time to babysit someone's kids.
8. I have so much more spare time than my married [childless] friends.
9. As long as I'm single I should be living somewhere more exciting.
10. Since I don't have kids that must also mean I have oodles of spending money.
11. In contradiction to half of those, my life must also be terribly interesting, filled with short-term flings and neverending parties.

Let's debunk a few myths, shall we?

First of all, I don't accept being bored. I hate it. Therefore I find plenty of ways to not be bored.

Likewise, I don't accept being single as equal to being lonely. The full truth is that loneliness hits all of us at some point in time, regardless of marital status. I am no more or less lonely than any married person I know.

And I have plenty of people to cook for, thankyouverymuch.

Regarding activity in general: the town I live in offers plenty to do if you know where to look, and as it happens, I now know where to look. This means that a) I don't get bored, b) I don't have oodles of spare time, and c) I don’t have any particular desire to move just so I can find more to do.

As for the thoughts on kids, I'm not sure where those onescome from. Just because I’m single doesn't mean I want to hang out with your kids. (It also doesn't mean I hate kids.) Don't assume I have lots of time just because I'm not going to Little League games or playdates. It doesn't work that way, and to be perfectly honest the second you say, "Oh, you must have so much more spare time than I do" I'm just going to be insulted anyway. I also don't appreciate it when someone seems to be a friend just so they can get free babysitting. That's even more insulting.

I don't even know where to begin with the whole sex topic, particularly since various coworkers and family members read this thing occasionally. Suffice it to say that most people don't understand my outlook on sex and it would take a long time to fully break this one down. (I'll give you a clue: my view isn't really considered "normal" for anyone, single or otherwise, and no, I'm not really into anything twisted. It's more of a take-it-or-leave-it attitude that generally means I leave it.)

Yes, my house is fairly quiet, and it's wonderful. But it's certainly not too quiet. After all, I don't live on the moon.

Now, money ... Okay, admittedly, I probably have more spending money than people trying to provide for another human being. (Let's face it -- diapers are expensive.) But I have obligations -- rent and car payments, student loans (which don't come anywhere near the cost of a kid because, well, I went to a state school), all of the normal bills that come with being an adult. I also have never had a gift registry and only get small-ish gifts at Christmas and on my birthday because, well, that's just how my family rolls. Your two sets of parents might have gone together to get you a new couch -- I would end up buying that myself. There are entirely different dynamics involved and they cannot be directly compared.

I am not a high-roller. I don't go to all-weekend parties (generally), I don't run off to Vegas every few months "just because I can," and I don't go on singles' cruises and all of those things that have been suggested to me. While I appreciate the thought, odds are good I'm not interested in a set-up with your friend, nephew, son, or grandson. Believe it or not, just because I'm single doesn’t mean I'm looking for a relationship (or even just a date, as several folks have tried to convince me).

I feel much better now.

Please, please tell me I'm not the only one running into these situations. They're starting to drive me a little batty.