Weekend Tidbit #1

I should have brought my coffee just for this car wash line
Apple tree.
And polka music.
Frogs can’t swallow with their eyes open.
Identity crisis.
Moribund vampire?
And pink vinyl siding.
Great Caesar’s ghost!
Sweet cracker sandwich?
We’re about to eat. And purest Carpathian wood.
Groceries and bookshelves. And so am I ... About to eat, that is.
A man, a plan, a canal, Panama.
Be all you can be.
Was it a rat I saw?
No, that was your uncle’s ferret.
Racecar?
Remote control killer bunny rabbits.
Not a ton.
That’s a relief. Your standard donkey can’t handle that much.
To be or roebot?
By those standards, you could skin a cat.
Dammit I’m mad.
My dear Watson, there’s no need for such language.
Evil is a deed as I live.
Indeed. And good only comes in soft colors.
Do geese see God?
Depends on how they feel about mallards.
Murder for a jar of red rum.
A little larceny for some cheap vodka.
Some men interpret nine memos.
And some prefer a shredder.
Don’t nod.
No worries. I have little with which to agree. Too many butterflies and unicorns for my taste.
Moody doom.
Doom is scary like that. So are werewolves.
Ah, Satan sees Natasha.
Lucky for Jenny - she got away.
Dennis sinned.
Now his wife won’t stop nagging, and it’s affecting the dog’s appetite.
Was it Eliot’s toilet I saw?
Does Mom know you were in Eliot’s bathroom? He’s bad news. As are most men with 17 cats.
Straw? No, too stupid a fad. I put soot on warts.
That’s brave. Most people go for Vaseline and other petroleum-based products.
No trace; not one carton.
To the south of Hamburg is Harburg.
May a moody baby doom a yam?
No, just a restful night for the druggie next door.
Go hang a salami! I’m a lasagna hog.
I missed my cue. Now I’m late for the ball.
TNT. Toot, TNT.
Now that’s just painful.
Sums are as set as a test on Erasmus.
We’ve just gotta break management.
Dogma: I am God.
No, that’s blasphemy. Dogma: there are too many rules for you to handle God.
Go deliver a dare, vile dog!
I am covered in red paint.
Murder red rum.
Leave the white stuff to rot.
Too bad - I hid a boot.
Here comes that rainy day feeling again.
Rats live on no evil star.
On the good ones they just die more quickly and with less knowledge of pain.
Doc note: I dissent. A fast never prevents a fatness. I diet on cod.
She speaks in rhyme and pantomime; where it ends I know not.
Are we not drawn onward, we few, drawn onward to new era?

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I love long text conversations with my sister.

Yes, that's right. That was a string of texts that passed between Mia Sorella and me yesterday. (Seriously. I only edited it for capitalization.) It was an amusing afternoon ... Amusing enough that I had to type them all out last night before I could delete them from my phone.

The italicized ones were from her; I sent the others. It started innocently enough -- I was in line for a car wash, I was bored, and I was wishing I had found my travel mug and brought coffee with me. Alas, the message to my sister to convey this was fairly nonsensical. It was all downhill from there.