Intensity
Yeah you're blinded by rainbows
Watching the wind blow
Blinded by rainbows
Do you dream at night
Do you sleep at night
I doubt it
-Rolling Stones, "Blinded By Rainbows"
It's happening again.
I can always feel it coming. Every so often, I have a major crash. It's usually catalyzed by something -- impossibly long work (or school) days, general failure, a lack of sleep ... Sometimes it's only a bad day. In any case, every couple of months, I have a major plummet and it takes about a week to fully recover.
There are signs. It used to be that I would want to go for a jog or I'd have serious insomnia. Now, I have the sudden urge to read about Einstein, watch "Pride & Prejudice," and do yoga (yeah, not sure how those are connected). Don't get me wrong -- I get those same urges from time to time during my "normal" phases, but rarely to do all three at the same time. (The insomnia hasn't changed.)
I'm not entirely certain why I'm telling you people this, but there was a reason ...
Oh yes.
While I have a pretty good grip on my own psyche now and can actually exert some control over the plummeting (as opposed to high school, when I didn't know what was going on or how to stop it), the changes that have occurred here are oddly representative of the rest of my life.
There's a saying ... "People don't change. They only become more so." I don't remember who said it first, but doesn't that scare you a little?
It frightens me a bit, but that's chiefly because ... it's true.
My viewpoints have changed, my habits have shifted, but my real Me is mostly just a more clearly defined version of a previous Me. Embellished, amplified, occasionally specified, but with the same base.
There are good things. My reading list has expanded considerably and my general interests are scattered farther than they've ever been before. Unfortunately, the changes have lead to some serious discrepancies too.
For instance, while I continue to get much more bubbly, I'm also considerably more cynical than I've ever been, particularly where people are directly involved. While I'm sure the cynicism is part of growing up (the more you see, the more that will bother you), those two sides are often at war ... which leads to more intense inner arguments.
Maybe that's why that Rolling Stones song has been in my head all week. Maybe my inner cynic is trying to irritate my inner optimist.
Hmm. Judging by this, I'm also getting more scatterbrained as time goes on.
I wish I had something light and easy to end this post, but nothing comes to mind. So ... have a good night.
Watching the wind blow
Blinded by rainbows
Do you dream at night
Do you sleep at night
I doubt it
-Rolling Stones, "Blinded By Rainbows"
It's happening again.
I can always feel it coming. Every so often, I have a major crash. It's usually catalyzed by something -- impossibly long work (or school) days, general failure, a lack of sleep ... Sometimes it's only a bad day. In any case, every couple of months, I have a major plummet and it takes about a week to fully recover.
There are signs. It used to be that I would want to go for a jog or I'd have serious insomnia. Now, I have the sudden urge to read about Einstein, watch "Pride & Prejudice," and do yoga (yeah, not sure how those are connected). Don't get me wrong -- I get those same urges from time to time during my "normal" phases, but rarely to do all three at the same time. (The insomnia hasn't changed.)
I'm not entirely certain why I'm telling you people this, but there was a reason ...
Oh yes.
While I have a pretty good grip on my own psyche now and can actually exert some control over the plummeting (as opposed to high school, when I didn't know what was going on or how to stop it), the changes that have occurred here are oddly representative of the rest of my life.
There's a saying ... "People don't change. They only become more so." I don't remember who said it first, but doesn't that scare you a little?
It frightens me a bit, but that's chiefly because ... it's true.
My viewpoints have changed, my habits have shifted, but my real Me is mostly just a more clearly defined version of a previous Me. Embellished, amplified, occasionally specified, but with the same base.
There are good things. My reading list has expanded considerably and my general interests are scattered farther than they've ever been before. Unfortunately, the changes have lead to some serious discrepancies too.
For instance, while I continue to get much more bubbly, I'm also considerably more cynical than I've ever been, particularly where people are directly involved. While I'm sure the cynicism is part of growing up (the more you see, the more that will bother you), those two sides are often at war ... which leads to more intense inner arguments.
Maybe that's why that Rolling Stones song has been in my head all week. Maybe my inner cynic is trying to irritate my inner optimist.
Hmm. Judging by this, I'm also getting more scatterbrained as time goes on.
I wish I had something light and easy to end this post, but nothing comes to mind. So ... have a good night.
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