Real Time
I dropped out of society for a few days, and in that time, almost every blog I frequent was updated. I figured I could contribute to the madness.
It started some time on Thursday. Or I think it did ... It's been a long week.
In any case, I got off work and was hanging out at home (as usual) when I suddenly realized that I was losing my mind. I'm not used to being alone so much, and some days it really gets to me. That particular night, I hopped in my car and started driving. Some of you may recall my post about my life as a movie ... Well, here is a partial transcript of that night's voice over:
"I don't quite know what happened. Suddenly I was angry, at nothing in particular, and I couldn't calm down. When I started pacing my apartment -- no doubt irritating the heck out of the people downstairs -- I decided it was time to get out. So ... I did. I stormed out to my garage, jumped in my car, and left. There wasn't really a purpose, wasn't really an aim, but I had to leave.
"While I drove, I thought. I thought about movies I had seen and music I had recently heard; I thought about stereotypes we apply to people; I thought about religious stereotypes; I thought about the labels I apply to myself; I thought about the weekend and what I might end up doing; I thought about my friends in Rapid City and the ones that were graduating in less than a month; I thought about the things that had changed in the last four months and the things that hadn't. Somewhere in there, I realized that I was talking out loud. Maybe it was a prayer -- a rather unorthodox one -- or maybe I had just completely lost it. All I know is that leaving those thoughts in my head wasn't helping.
"After I had taken some of my aggression out on the back roads (I love driving a zippy car!), I headed back to town and the insanity that was waiting. I wasn't totally convinced I had a grip on things, but I was feeling better. "
That night, I disappeared from society. Since then I've been hanging out on my own, recovering and sorting things out. And I found my basic problem.
I need to stay in touch with reality, including all of you. Yep, I've even lost touch with my fake reality. Not a good sign.
There's a lot required of me to return to normalcy. Part of this is letting myself feel lonely when I am, and part of it is letting myself enjoy my time alone when I'm not. The other part comes with needing to fully enjoy the times when I'm hanging out with people. It doesn't come ready-made like it did in college; there aren't full buildings of people in the exact same situation as I am, just waiting for a chance. There are, however, random groups here and there that are more than ready to accommodate someone new, at least every now and then. (I had an awesome lunch on Sunday that fits into that last category.)
And there are you guys.
So this time, instead of giving you a question, I want you to leave one for me. Anything goes -- but remember, this is a family-friendly blog. I'll answer whatever I'm given on an upcoming blog.
Please? Pretty please?
It started some time on Thursday. Or I think it did ... It's been a long week.
In any case, I got off work and was hanging out at home (as usual) when I suddenly realized that I was losing my mind. I'm not used to being alone so much, and some days it really gets to me. That particular night, I hopped in my car and started driving. Some of you may recall my post about my life as a movie ... Well, here is a partial transcript of that night's voice over:
"I don't quite know what happened. Suddenly I was angry, at nothing in particular, and I couldn't calm down. When I started pacing my apartment -- no doubt irritating the heck out of the people downstairs -- I decided it was time to get out. So ... I did. I stormed out to my garage, jumped in my car, and left. There wasn't really a purpose, wasn't really an aim, but I had to leave.
"While I drove, I thought. I thought about movies I had seen and music I had recently heard; I thought about stereotypes we apply to people; I thought about religious stereotypes; I thought about the labels I apply to myself; I thought about the weekend and what I might end up doing; I thought about my friends in Rapid City and the ones that were graduating in less than a month; I thought about the things that had changed in the last four months and the things that hadn't. Somewhere in there, I realized that I was talking out loud. Maybe it was a prayer -- a rather unorthodox one -- or maybe I had just completely lost it. All I know is that leaving those thoughts in my head wasn't helping.
"After I had taken some of my aggression out on the back roads (I love driving a zippy car!), I headed back to town and the insanity that was waiting. I wasn't totally convinced I had a grip on things, but I was feeling better. "
That night, I disappeared from society. Since then I've been hanging out on my own, recovering and sorting things out. And I found my basic problem.
I need to stay in touch with reality, including all of you. Yep, I've even lost touch with my fake reality. Not a good sign.
There's a lot required of me to return to normalcy. Part of this is letting myself feel lonely when I am, and part of it is letting myself enjoy my time alone when I'm not. The other part comes with needing to fully enjoy the times when I'm hanging out with people. It doesn't come ready-made like it did in college; there aren't full buildings of people in the exact same situation as I am, just waiting for a chance. There are, however, random groups here and there that are more than ready to accommodate someone new, at least every now and then. (I had an awesome lunch on Sunday that fits into that last category.)
And there are you guys.
So this time, instead of giving you a question, I want you to leave one for me. Anything goes -- but remember, this is a family-friendly blog. I'll answer whatever I'm given on an upcoming blog.
Please? Pretty please?
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