What's Doing

My computer just spontaneously restarted, and my heart broke. I was mid-post, but I think I can reproduce it with decent accuracy. So here we go ...

Here's what's going on in my head right now.

InterVarsity snagged me the first hour I was at Tech.

I remember it rather clearly. I was sitting on my bed, looking around this glorified closet I was going to live in, wondering when my roommate (whom I had never met) would appear. These two girls poke their heads in, obviously going door-to-door, and invite me to hike Harney Peak with them and their friends the following Saturday. I asked what organization they were with and almost had a heart attack.

You see, I wanted to find two groups: a Christian one, and a hiking one. It just so happened that I found both with one group. Within an hour of showing up at Tech, I was sold.

There was a small group that met in the (now nonexistent) March-Dake lobby, and I got invited to that, too. The people were interesting, largely not what I expected, and several of them became good friends -- even friends I still talk to regularly.

The next year, one of those friends (a slightly crazy guy named Chris) and I lead a small group of our own. That by itself was an awesome, exciting, and sometimes bizarre experience. And, the year after that, we both joined exec. I was the small group coordinator (he was the large group coordinator), but I have to admit to not totally enjoying that experience. The next year, I got swamped with work and ducked out of leadership.

Then, while talking to the large group coordinator of last year on Justin's phone -- while standing on a playset at Canyon Lake Park in the dark -- I was asked to be large group coordinator this year. After some considerable thought, I decided to try it.

And it was good.

Great, really. Fun, interesting, challenging, all sorts of adjectives that aren't coming to mind right now ...

And tonight? Tonight was the last large group meeting. The last time I would be the active coordinator.

Quick explanation: Large group meetings are our weekly "big event." It's kind of like church. I say kind of because not every church has a worship bands, fewer have a different speaker every week, and I have yet to hear of ANY that have videos involving dubbed Dominos Pizza commercials. The coordinator is the emcee each week, keeping things running, standing up in front of everyone to introduce each segment, organizing the details ...

And tonight was my last night.

It was awesome. Paul from FSCC spoke ... He was interesting, funny, thought-provoking, and, as much as I hate the word, convicting. (Thank you, Paul!!) A very ... relevant end to large group, I think.

It was bittersweet, like so many "lasts." It was fun (it always has been), but now IV is almost over -- this thing that has shaped my college experience, changed my world view, changed me. It's going to be quite different to be in Sioux Falls and not be at IV each and every Thursday.

We went to Perkins (thanks Nate!), and when I came home I did my usual email/Facebook check and settled into bed with a book.


Now, here's where the night got complicated.

First of all, the book is Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller, and I recommend it to anybody. Second ... well, here's an excerpt:

"I associated much of Christian doctrine with children's stories because I grew up in church. My Sunday school teachers had turned Bible narrative into children's fables. They talked about Noah and the ark because the story had animals in it. They failed to mention that this was when God massacred all of humanity."

So it continues.

I'm not sure I can do the book justice. It grabs you from the very beginning. The stories he tells let you know that you're not an idiot, you're not crazy, and you're not alone. And I'm only five chapters in.

This coming from a brain that just read Captivating, another book I recommend that happens to be an emotional rollercoaster. My psyche is taking a beating.

Now ... Well.

The end is near. I'll be leaving Rapid City soon, this place I've called home for four and a half years. And Tech, a place I've come to love even with all of its faults (of which, just for the record, there are plenty). Like IV, this ending is bittersweet; I'll miss it all, but I'm excited about the things to come, even if I'm not totally convinced of what they are.

Standing on the edge, waiting for the cue, hoping the chute will open in time ...

Maybe now I can sleep. Maybe now my mind can rest.