Spontaneous Combustion!!

Do you believe in spontaneous combustion? I do. Why? In these last few days, I've gotten a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach that felt a bit like a spark.

Or maybe it was just rage. I don't know.

Anyway, I'm claiming death by spontaneous combustion to be A) my preferred choice of death this week and B) likely in the next nine days or so.

Part A is easy. Just think -- if you were to spontaneously combust, you'd be infamous. No one would believe what just happened. And besides, in order for a person to actually be reduced to ash, it would be a pretty intense flame, therefore much preferred to, say, dying in a dorm fire.

Part B? Well, as one friend pointed out, if it's in the next nine days, it's more "combustion" than "spontaneous."

Anyway, I need to get back to work. Does anyone have an answer to a steady diet of Jolly Ranchers and fruit juice? Does anyone want to send me real food? That'd be super.


Radioactive cats have eighteen half-lives.

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