Deep Stuff

Under normal conditions, I don't get particularly personal on this thing. Today's an exception. Today I'm feeling vulnerable, and this seems like a good place to get things off my back.

I have two major fears in life: the fear of disappointing and the fear of being boring.

No, not disappointment. I'm not worried about being disappointed with my life. I am, however, worried about disappointing other people. I can screw up like crazy and it won't get to me if it only affects me ... but the second someone else says, "Shame, Ashley," it hurts like crazy. Right now, I feel like I'm letting a lot of people down, and that's one of those things I can't deal with very well.

As for the fear of being boring ... I spent a rather large chunk of my life invisible. I made great wallpaper. Then, I come to school, where I don't have to be like that anymore -- so I make it a point not to be. I try almost too hard to avoid it, but I don't want to go back to wallpaper status.

Unfortunately, I still feel like I bore people. I suppose that's one of those things you can't really avoid, on some level ... but that doesn't mean it sucks any less.

Mer.

Well, that's enough deep stuff for me. Bye.


Some people cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

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