State Of The Dorm Address
Ladies and gentlemen of the world:
It is with pride and utter sarcasm that I greet you once again from this great Hall that so many of us call "a place to sleep." We are now looking forward to the future, to summer, to the end of the school year. In true college fashion, it is now time to bring you the latest report on the State of the Dorm.
Elections took place not long ago for our Student Association, and the results are as follows: unknown. People voted. I know this, because I was one of them. I also know not many others did. I don't know who won, because they forgot to tell me. They did, however, thank me for participating.
Strange noises continue from above. We're not usually sure what they're doing up there ... We suspect massive-orgy-style ballroom dancing on roller skates. When we find out, we'll let you know. All we know is they prefer activity at two in the morning, especially after they get back from parties.
Things got heated a little while ago when residents got angry at the wing's vacuum and threw it out the window. The jury is still out on this topic.
Downstairs remains relatively quiet and, shall we say, lethargic. A few conclusions have been reached regarding these young men: a) They must be drinking, as they have trouble walking sometimes (and the smell of puke jumps out at you on occasion); b) They must be doing homework, as they are still here; c) Nobody knows when they do these things, as we have only ever seen them on their computers, playing video games, or asleep.
Things are inactive on the second floor. Most residents here are of the extremely stressed out or permanently brain dead form. Many are both. Occasionally, people wander in a little more gone than necessary, but they tend to hide in their rooms and get more lost, making little noise until they start wandering the hallways the next day, groaning of a hangover.
The RAs are, for the most part, doing their jobs. However, they, too, don't care anymore. Some are taking themselves too seriously in their need to cover up that they don't actually care. Some are just giving up and joining in. A couple of them just fake it well. We're proud of those two.
As for individual residents:
Some of us are drinking to forget. Some of us are studying to forget. Some of us are sleeping to forget. Some of us are taking alcohol through an IV while sleeping on our textbooks to forget.
Roommate situations are getting fiercer, as some residents spontaneously leave while others lock each other out while their roomies take showers. For the most part, things are survivable, but most residents are looking forward to moving into apartments/going home to their mommies for the summer.
All in all, things are the norm. I hope this has offered a little insight into the world that we live in, and I hope you aren't one of those that actually believes what you read.
Thank you.
The other night during dinner my brother told a joke and I laughed so hard that milk shot out my nose. The creepy part is that I wasn't drinking milk.
- Dave George
It is with pride and utter sarcasm that I greet you once again from this great Hall that so many of us call "a place to sleep." We are now looking forward to the future, to summer, to the end of the school year. In true college fashion, it is now time to bring you the latest report on the State of the Dorm.
Elections took place not long ago for our Student Association, and the results are as follows: unknown. People voted. I know this, because I was one of them. I also know not many others did. I don't know who won, because they forgot to tell me. They did, however, thank me for participating.
Strange noises continue from above. We're not usually sure what they're doing up there ... We suspect massive-orgy-style ballroom dancing on roller skates. When we find out, we'll let you know. All we know is they prefer activity at two in the morning, especially after they get back from parties.
Things got heated a little while ago when residents got angry at the wing's vacuum and threw it out the window. The jury is still out on this topic.
Downstairs remains relatively quiet and, shall we say, lethargic. A few conclusions have been reached regarding these young men: a) They must be drinking, as they have trouble walking sometimes (and the smell of puke jumps out at you on occasion); b) They must be doing homework, as they are still here; c) Nobody knows when they do these things, as we have only ever seen them on their computers, playing video games, or asleep.
Things are inactive on the second floor. Most residents here are of the extremely stressed out or permanently brain dead form. Many are both. Occasionally, people wander in a little more gone than necessary, but they tend to hide in their rooms and get more lost, making little noise until they start wandering the hallways the next day, groaning of a hangover.
The RAs are, for the most part, doing their jobs. However, they, too, don't care anymore. Some are taking themselves too seriously in their need to cover up that they don't actually care. Some are just giving up and joining in. A couple of them just fake it well. We're proud of those two.
As for individual residents:
Some of us are drinking to forget. Some of us are studying to forget. Some of us are sleeping to forget. Some of us are taking alcohol through an IV while sleeping on our textbooks to forget.
Roommate situations are getting fiercer, as some residents spontaneously leave while others lock each other out while their roomies take showers. For the most part, things are survivable, but most residents are looking forward to moving into apartments/going home to their mommies for the summer.
All in all, things are the norm. I hope this has offered a little insight into the world that we live in, and I hope you aren't one of those that actually believes what you read.
Thank you.
The other night during dinner my brother told a joke and I laughed so hard that milk shot out my nose. The creepy part is that I wasn't drinking milk.
- Dave George
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