Do These Pants Make My Butt Look Big?

Ah, girlfriendisms. On behalf of well-meaning girlfriends (and wives) everywhere, I'm sorry. I'm sorry we bombard you with questions that have no good answer, I'm sorry we expect you to read our minds, and I'm sorry we have some strange fetishes for trapping you in a situation that, no matter what, you will NOT come out of in one piece. It's truly unfair.

There are some things I DON'T apologize for, however. I don't apologize for when we're upset and get frustrated that you don't notice. And I don't apologize for when we expect you to remember something important and get annoyed when you forget. When I say "important," I'm not talking about her cousin's husband's birthday. Sometimes, it's sheer luck that WE remember. But if you forget your girlfriend's birthday, or our big anniversary (i.e. wedding or "first date" anniversary, whichever you are up to in your particular stage of life), there will be hell to pay, and rightly so. These are IMPORTANT DATES. You can't just claim you have a bad memory. It doesn't work that way. If you try, don't expect the birthday present you wanted; you'll get a day planner with a month-long countdown leading up to every important day.

Coming up soon: a rant on maturity.


The secret of success is sincerity.
Once you can fake that you've got it made.

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