Moment Of Weakness
Warning: Abnormal levels of bluntness about my life are contained in this post.
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Hark the herald angels sing
But not for us, my dear
Can't recall a single thing
We're celebrating this year
Watch the clock and pace the floor
Shut my eyes and slam the door
Tear down the lights, we don't need them anymore...
About this time last year, I wrote this post.
It's a good post. Packed full of both reality and optimism, maybe even a touch of idealism. And it's sound advice, dangnabbit. You see, last year I was very comfortable with both my life and myself, which meant I was in a great place for dispensing advice. This year, I need to be taking that advice.
This year, I seem to be stuck in the "acknowledgment" phase of single during the holidays. Revelry escapes me. The spirit escapes me. A good batch of fudge escapes me.
On a normal, non-seasonal day, I'm still quite happy with my place in the world. I enjoy being able to come and go as I please, and I really enjoy not having to call someone to see if we're free that night. The independence has always been what gets me ... It's truly awesome.
Holy night the stars shine bright
Left my heart underneath the tree
You won't be home to open it
So I put it back inside me
Watch the clock and pace the floor
Shut my eyes and slam the door
Burn the mistletoe, we don't need it anymore...
HOWEVER.
Despite my usual comfort level and comparative championing of the single life, I must be putting out "lonely and desperate" vibes. I can't come up with any other explanation for the behavior of those around me. Maybe it's the season; maybe it's the fact that my friends who were single last year aren't anymore, and in fact are a little sappy now.
In any case, people have been quite forthcoming with advice for me regarding how to meet men. Most of it has come unbidden; in fact, three different people have suggested eHarmony just in the last week, and only one of those incidents was in fact pertinent to the conversation.
It's more than a little unsettling.
If I were to be totally honest with you -- and I might as well, given the slightly less than articulate but straightforward start I've made -- I would say that Christmas does make me lonely, more so than any other time, including other holidays and my own birthday. This Christmas season has been no exception.
In fact, it's been weirdly hard, more so than any other year.
The remaining truth would be that this comes as no real surprise. 2009 has been that kind of year -- the kind that turns a person upside down and shakes her to her core. The kind that forces a reevaluation and makes a person question her identity. After a year like that it's no wonder that the thought of being alone seems more intimidating than usual.
Don't worry; soon we'll be back to our usual programming. Soon I'll be feeling like my normal, occasionally over-confident self.
For the moment, though, I'm going to relax and watch the rest of my movie in the quiet of my living room. After all ... nights like these are what I crave when I'm in a crowd.
It's time to get that back.
("Things We Don't Need Anymore" by Jenny Owen Youngs)
-----
Hark the herald angels sing
But not for us, my dear
Can't recall a single thing
We're celebrating this year
Watch the clock and pace the floor
Shut my eyes and slam the door
Tear down the lights, we don't need them anymore...
About this time last year, I wrote this post.It's a good post. Packed full of both reality and optimism, maybe even a touch of idealism. And it's sound advice, dangnabbit. You see, last year I was very comfortable with both my life and myself, which meant I was in a great place for dispensing advice. This year, I need to be taking that advice.
This year, I seem to be stuck in the "acknowledgment" phase of single during the holidays. Revelry escapes me. The spirit escapes me. A good batch of fudge escapes me.
On a normal, non-seasonal day, I'm still quite happy with my place in the world. I enjoy being able to come and go as I please, and I really enjoy not having to call someone to see if we're free that night. The independence has always been what gets me ... It's truly awesome.
Holy night the stars shine bright
Left my heart underneath the tree
You won't be home to open it
So I put it back inside me
Watch the clock and pace the floor
Shut my eyes and slam the door
Burn the mistletoe, we don't need it anymore...
HOWEVER.
Despite my usual comfort level and comparative championing of the single life, I must be putting out "lonely and desperate" vibes. I can't come up with any other explanation for the behavior of those around me. Maybe it's the season; maybe it's the fact that my friends who were single last year aren't anymore, and in fact are a little sappy now.
In any case, people have been quite forthcoming with advice for me regarding how to meet men. Most of it has come unbidden; in fact, three different people have suggested eHarmony just in the last week, and only one of those incidents was in fact pertinent to the conversation.
It's more than a little unsettling.
If I were to be totally honest with you -- and I might as well, given the slightly less than articulate but straightforward start I've made -- I would say that Christmas does make me lonely, more so than any other time, including other holidays and my own birthday. This Christmas season has been no exception.
In fact, it's been weirdly hard, more so than any other year.
The remaining truth would be that this comes as no real surprise. 2009 has been that kind of year -- the kind that turns a person upside down and shakes her to her core. The kind that forces a reevaluation and makes a person question her identity. After a year like that it's no wonder that the thought of being alone seems more intimidating than usual.
Don't worry; soon we'll be back to our usual programming. Soon I'll be feeling like my normal, occasionally over-confident self.
For the moment, though, I'm going to relax and watch the rest of my movie in the quiet of my living room. After all ... nights like these are what I crave when I'm in a crowd.
It's time to get that back.
("Things We Don't Need Anymore" by Jenny Owen Youngs)
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