SWG2L: Weddings

I will be headed to wedding number 20 (since May of 2004) this coming weekend. In honor of that, I thought I would finally post the very first SWG2L that I ever wrote. It's been waiting for me to finish it for over a year now. Without further ado, here we go!

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It was bound to happen. They'd been dating for awhile, got engaged, and now you have the invitation in your hands. But you're single and suddenly feeling vulnerable and awkward.

The truth is that weddings can be weird for single women, especially if the bride or her friends are huge into matchmaking and are already telling you about this groomsman or that cousin that you just have to meet. But they're also fun and you'd like to show your congratulations for the couple.

Like so many things, a little preparedness can go a long way. Putting some extra thought into your plans can make all the difference.

To Go Or Not To Go?
This is the first thing with which you're likely to wrestle; the invitation appears and you're left thinking, "But what if I don't have a date?"

Are you really close to the couple (or even just one of them)? Will you know other people there? Will it be fun even if you're alone? Go! Weddings are usually a blast, but if you're only going to be dragging other guests down, by all means -- mail your gift. Just don't let the reason you're NOT going be that you don't want to go alone. That's lame.

Getting Ready
There can be dozens of details for guests, particularly out-of-towners. Some things you don't want to overlook:

- Area attractions. If you're headed to an unfamiliar place, see if there's anything you also want to see while you're there. Museums, malls, hiking trails, parks, etc. can make those spare hours fly. And you might as well treat your trip as a personal vacation.

- Your hotel. Again, think "personal vacation," especially if you're only staying for one night. Nicer hotels are usually safer, and you're less likely to be accosted by a drunken uncle if your room is close to the reception site. Check out online reviews before you book -- those are some of the most honest comments you'll find. And don't forget to bring your confirmation number with you.

- Your outfit. You're going to a wedding, not a night club. If there's doubt, err on the side of conservatism. Also, if you know them, try to avoid wearing the wedding colors -- you probably don't want to be mistaken for a bridesmaid. (All sorts of awkward possibilities there.)

- Your gift. If you're going to a lot of weddings, you might have a "standard" gift (I do, sort of). If not, go ahead and use the couple's registry -- just do yourself one favor and get them one thing that's not on a list. You'll feel more adventuresome. And finally, if you're late in getting to the registry or don't know what to get them, a card with money is okay. They'll find a good use for it.

- Your camera. You're in a unique position; when you don't have to keep track of a boyfriend/husband/offspring, you can catch all the crazy things that happen. Take a lot of pictures and be ready to share them later.

[If this is an out-of-town wedding, I recommend reading my SWG2L on travel. Not just a shameless plug -- it may actually help.]

Before, During, And After
Lay down the law. This isn't directed at the couple, but at those acquaintances who insist on trying to set you up. If you're not interested, tell them before someone's feelings get hurt. If it sounds like fun, go for it -- but make no promises right away.

Be helpful! Anything extra you can do for the couple will be remembered and greatly appreciated. And again -- you're not tied down to other guests. Anything you do will take the pressure off relatives who are there with their families.

Be friendly. A small joke in the buffet line can lead to a half-hour conversation over cake.

Be creative. With the gift, with your card, with your conversation-starters. Keep things interesting.

Stay sober. Yeah, I know -- that might not be as much fun. Whatever. The bottom line here is that you don't necessarily have someone looking out for your best interests and you probably don't want stories getting back to the couple about the crazy night a couple of the groomsmen had with one of the bride's friends.

When you're ready to leave, leave. Nowhere is it written that you have to stick around for the bouquet-toss, the Chicken Dance, or even the cake. If you're not enjoying yourself, you'll only drag down those who are trying to be friendly. It's okay to congratulate the couple and excuse yourself.

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This barely scratches the surface of the whole wedding topic, but it's a start. There are a million different articles and books out there about etiquette; if you really want to keep reading, I recommend finding one of those. The full truth is that a little common sense and some flexibility can go a long way.

Now, go -- and have fun!